Family…Tears, history & Pinot gris…

With each birthday. It seems age brings grief, memories, joy and sadness. I recently had my DNA analyzed my results were opposite of what I expected. It’s weird you go through life believing a truth and in turn science tells you something completely different. My mother was adopted so that piece of life has always been a mystery one I was desperate to unravel. I always felt a piece of me was missing._

I have always assumed we are Irish and Italian based on my fathers side of the family. Yet, I have learned I inherited more of my mothers side of the family which until this point had been a complete mystery. It can be exciting and emotional finding these new things about one’s self. All good just powerful. Intense. Real. I have emotions I didn’t know I would feel. Seems weird. I was not the one adopted. Yet I have always felt out of place. The odd ball. The one different from all the rest.

Years ago my mother had a meeting with a women who was a fourth generation finish immigrant. She described life their. Gazing across the river at Moscow. My mother who had never been there felt an instant kinship with this women. Her entire being felt as if she had been their. Felt. Experienced this description by this stranger she had just met. Twenty years later my DNA validated that feeling. I cannot describe the feelings churning through me right now. Elation and tears. Finding that piece you always felt was missing. That question you always have had, your identity valid. Real. Scientifically proven.

My parents have been married multiple times. I have lots of step siblings. I love them all. There is a moment when you wish all would stay the same forever and then you know your adults and need to live your own lives. I being the oldest have always felt a certain responsibility to fix, to listen, to find answers when their are none. I am logical and overly emotional. How do I find a common ground. How do I feel like I have done enough for my family, my nieces, nephews, sisters…why do I always feel like I fall short. I have always felt out of place. Different.

Tears, have been falling since this revelation. I cannot describe why. Just that I feel a wholeness I have never felt, a powerful tug, one the brings me closer to my mother in ways I never thought possible. Her dream of finding her true self never realized until now in her 66th year. I am the oldest. I feel it’s my duty to see this thru and give her the truth she’s always wanted. That piece of herself always unknown. Maybe find myself in the process…something I didn’t know I needed.

Next steps my mother taking a DNA test, my sister too.I will follow thru with this. I will find the answers. Part of me is excited by the prospect, part of me is terrified of letting my mother down. Emotions fill me. Tears cascade down my cheeks. Love is the most powerful thing in the world. My mom is the epitome of love. I will follow this till the end for her and for me. My mission. My heart all on the line for this truth whatever it may be.

That is all I have tonight friends…life and writing are a work in process…(just like me)😉

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