The writer in me…Her imaginative ramblings..

I used to look at obstacles as awful. The worst. I am weak. I cannot do it. I’m not strong enough. The voice in my head…I’m too old. I hurt to much. I changed jobs for an easier life. What are they trying to do kill me?

When a wrench is thrown I usually run away. I usually get depressed. I pick out all the things I tell myself I cannot do. Yes, doubt is still their. Fear evident. This was the old me. Now…it’s like bring it. What can I do? How can I make this happen. What can I do different. Can, I accomplish this?

Fear is something that exists…it follows you everywhere…It is that small doubting voice constantly in your ear. Learning to ignore it is a chore. It is difficult and exhausting. It would be so much easier to just give up. Be a follower. Do what your told. Give in to easy. I did that for ten years. Comfortable, steady, constant. Yet, I was missing joy. I was missing love. I was dreading each day. Now I am excited. I am exhausted at the end of day, yet fulfilled. I could give it up and be done. I want to see where this leads.

Learning this new everything has been hard, emotional, painful, tiring. Yet, I smile at the end of day knowing I did good. I am my worst critic and super stubborn. I intend to succeed. How I do not know? Challenge accepted.

Once, I thought of a possible solution. I could sleep. Restlessly I wondered if it could work. I will put this too the test this week. I will push back. Demanding to be heard…to be seen as not just an employee… seen as an equal. I am almost desperate in this pursuit. I need to prove myself so badly. Not just for me. To them. To the doubters that laughed when I said I was going to be a manager. Who me? The follower. The easy is better gal.

If I overcome this mission impossible. What else can I conquer? How much more can I do. I need this to work. For me. For them. It’s the courage I need to muster. The strength I need to build upon. It is me. I am more. I am stronger. I need to prove this to myself.

That is all I have for tonight friends. Inner Demons. Obstacles to overcome. Life and writing is a work in progress…(just like me)😉