Self-Discovery…and gummy bears!

Life is such a constant transition. It’s constantly in movement like the ocean. There are times I am so stressed out I think of fruit loops and gummy bears…these were precious treats in my house as a kid…once a year if we were lucky. Yet, they hold a place in my heart. One that represents comfort. Happiness. Joy. It is hard to find those things in the day to day. Also delicious.

I wrote a post a few months ago about becoming an empty nester. If I am not a mom? Then what am I. The struggle is real. I feel like I’m navigating an identity crisis. Am I a writer? Why am I not published? Am I going to be stuck in this dead end job forever? Should I apply for a job I’ve never done before? I have never done well with change. I am a planner. A partial control freak. It is not in my DNA to just wing it. That in itself is paralysis to me.

Staying where comfortable doesn’t allow you to discover anything. You are stuck in a merry go round that never stops, a limbo that has no function. I work so hard at my job and I’m still in exactly the same place everyday. It is frustrating to be not sure about many things. Important things. Like income. Jobs. What now? I have a decision to make…do I stay in the comfortable the easy…do I apply for another job entirely? Starting over at forty-five that’s crazy right?

My sense of humor is my lifeline. It’s the one thing that gets me through tough times. It gives no answers though. No directions. It is just there to lift the soul from its melancholy. my son graduated high school. In the fall he leaves for boot camp. In a few short months I will be an empty nester, mom on stand by. Is that all I want to be? No, do I have goals and plans? Sure. I just never follow thru with them…well SELF…maybe now is the time? Here have some gummy bears and ponder it.

That’s all I have tonight friends. More questions. No answers. However the gummy bears are good as are this glass of Chianti, and roaring fire. Life and writing are a work in progress…(just like me)😉 ps…stay tuned for major decisions you will be the first to know

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