Most people get depressed when it rains… as long as I’m not trapped in it…I love the sounds. How refreshed everything smells… sometimes at night I have no energy, I just want to veg. I have been trying to change that behavior…
Tonight I spent some much needed time with my daughter. It is rare these days since she moved out. Sometimes I feel like I’m drifting between being a mom and just me. My identity is shifting. I have never been any good at change. So it is hard for me. I’m so blessed to have two very independent children. I just wonder sometimes where I fit in with them.
I’m sitting here in my living room… having some alone time with my Cabernet and some jazz music. It’s easy to be reflective when your alone. Reevaluation, change, aging…motherhood with adult kids…I have no answers about how I’m supposed to feel. Emotion seems strained. I am not depressed by any means just trying to figure out my next steps. My next me. The empty nester. The mom not needed as much.
When you have spent half your life tending to the needs of others it is hard to see oneself. Am I still me? What are my interests now? What do I wanna do? Where do I want to go? It’s like a serious Wtf 🤬 moment. I am so very thankful for Jazz music, Cabernet wine and a understanding husband…(he’s in the man cave currently) I am sure my husband is pondering similar things…yet I know it is entirely different for him.
So I guess I’ll make a list…or chart a course… maybe get a map… point somewhere and go? This is all new to me. I have no idea 🤷♀️. Maybe I’ll figure it out along the way… just like motherhood I guess…maybe there is a book on this? Anyway. The rain is soothing, as is the music and the wine. Cheers to finding my new self…or the old one resurrected?
☔️That is all I have tonight friends…Writing and life are a work in progress…(just like me)😉